A quick glance at the clock tells me it's 9:15 on this New Year's Eve. Where am I? Not at a swanky party or at a local pub preparing to toast at midnight. Nope, I'm wrapped up in the bed, ready to settle in for a good nights' sleep. Am I a loser? Possibly. Old fogie? Perhaps. Label me what you will, but I like to think of it as a conscious effort to not start 2011 exhausted and hungover. You like where I'm going with this, right? I mean, there is a method to my madness. Don't get me wrong, plans (and dip) were made, and wine was purchased as preparation for staying up until midnight...but as the hour approaches I can't force myself to stay awake! Luckily for me, these are the nights where it comes in handy to have a husband whose biological clock runs opposite to mine. I'm the (kinda) morning person and he's definitely the night owl. So thankfully he's staying up playing Transformer Monopoly with the kids as they do their best to stay awake until midnight. As for me, I'll be sleeping peacefully, dreaming about my hopes for the new year, starting with a great breakfast and strong cup of coffee, courtesy of my Dad. There's nothing better than a holiday spent with family, as long as it's at some else's house! Happy New Year from my family to yours!
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I don't usually invest a lot of emotional energy into celebrating New Year's. I love getting a nice clean new wall calendar, but it takes me at least two months to stop writing the previous year on my checks.  I mean, it's great to have a day off and everything, but my days of staying up until midnight BY CHOICE are pretty much behind me.

But I have to admit, I am honestly looking forward to 2011.  I have a really good feeling about it. A feeling that tells me this is going to be year of growth (instead of stuggle) and a year of peace (instead of anxiety.) This 2011 feeling is awesome, because 2010 has been a tough year in some ways. It's been a year full of lessons learned - finances, relationships, jobs.  But there's always more lessons to learn, right?  More ways to grow and evolve and improve.  I keep reminding myself that life is not about waking up one day and "getting there" or a single day arriving when I finally "am" the person I really want to be.  I saw this quote the other day and thought it summed up my 2011 feeling:

"A permanent state of transition is man's most noble condition." — Juan Ramon Jimenez

Of course, part of me still secretly hopes that 2011 is going to be MY year.  The year I get organized, the year all the laundry gets done AND put away.  The year I finally drop off the bags of clothes ready to be donated. The year we get all of our home projects done.  The year I become "that" mom...the one with the beautiful home, perfect clothes, perfect friends, perfect life.  Ok, so I blacked out there for a second.  Back to what I said before, life is about growing every day to become the person you want to be.  I know for a fact that I'll never be "that" mom, and I don't really think I want to. I believe we can all grow and improve and better ourselves as people.  No one is perfect, NO ONE.  So, I'll be looking ahead to this new year with hope and excitement, praying that the next 365 days will give me ample opportunity to grow, learn, love, live, and improve. Won't you join me?

With this said, I raise my virtual glass in a New Year's toast.  I think 2011 and I are gonna get along just fine.....

-r

It's something that anyone who has worked or lived with me (or follows me on twitter) in the past couple of weeks will confirm, yes, I'm feeling a little funky as of late.  By funky, I wish I meant "hip" or "cool" or that I had suddenly developed some sweet dance moves.  But, alas, this is not the case....sigh....

I'm not sure what my deal is, and no (insert the names of all "those" people who will jump to this conclusion) I am not pregnant.  But I am anxious, jittery, stressed out, irritable, exhausted, overwhelmed, unfocused, jumpy, grumpy....I could go on all day.  No matter where I am, I can't seem to get comfortable, with the exception of when I am asleep.  I am sleeping well, but always wake up feeling like I could sleep for the rest of my life and it wouldn't be enough. I feel like I'm wearing a big scratchy sweater that is simultaneously itching me and choking me at the same time. I'm not really interested in going anywhere or hanging out with anyone, because it seems like too much effort. It's not pretty. Heaven forbid our Wii stops working or our Netflix subscription runs out...because they represent the sum total of activities I find even remotely interesting.   If I don't figure this out soon, the hubs will be setting me out at the curb come trash day, with a sign that says "free to ANY home besides this one."  

Should I blame global warming? Or is it that I'm a mere three (long) weeks away from my first vacation in a year? Could it be that life seems to be throwing one obstacle after another in my path? I have a strong inkling that it's because I am constantly trying to find clarity in a world of complete chaos.  I need some zen and I have no idea of where to even start looking for it, or what hour of the day I'll have time to look for it.  My recent attempts at goal setting have been undermined by the aforementioned obstacles courtesy of life....i.e. car trouble, 1000 degree temps, expiring car tags and registration, endless piles of laundry, lack of recent trips to the grocery store and a 50 hr a week job, and this leaves me feeling frustrated and dissapointed at my many failures. 

So, what to do?  Where do I find my zen? How do I turn my chaos into clarity and my failures into successes?  How do you do it?  All those mom/wives/professionals/dads/husbands out there who have it all together - PLEASE share your secrets!  In the meantime, I'll try to shake this funk and concentrate on the things I can successfully accomplish....like breathing......-r

Hi there, I know it's been a while...the summer has been a whirlwind of too-long work weeks and too-short weekends full of beach days and time with friends.  But, having spent some time today (yes, when I should be working) scrolling through some random blogs looking shamelessly for coupons, I realized how much I have missed blogging.  As I think I said in my very first post, blogging for me is very therapeutic.  It is such a positive way to get at least a few of the millions of thoughts that zip around in my brain every second out in a healthy way that does not involve too much wine, too much food, or scaring the hubs with unexpected violent outbursts....

I haven't posted in a while because I felt a little bit of pressure to only post things that readers would find entertaining and funny.  So...I kinda ran out of material.  But, I am feeling less pressure to be funny and more interested in being real....and I am confident the two can, at times, meet in the middle.

My big theme for this week has been setting personal goals.  And yes, I know it's Friday and the week is almost over, but I have set and achieved some goals in the past few days that have given me some sense of accomplishment. The first goal set and achieved for the week is that I served a homecooked meal to my family every night this week, in spite of my daily rebellious vows to my co-workers that "I am TOTALLY not cooking dinner tonight."  Before you get too impressed with this feat, let me confess that dinner has consisted of some "interesting" yet well received menu selections:  Monday was leftover babyback ribs (I heated them in the toaster oven, so it counts as cooking), Tues was black bean and rotisserie chicken nachos with chipotle sauce and fresh diced tomatoes and avocado, Wed was coconut shrimp and potstickers that I found in the freezer (no idea how long the potstickers have been in there, but they tasted ok) and last night was heated up Pork BBQ sandwiches and Shells & Cheese personally selected by my children at Food Lion. So, while it has certainly not been a week that will land me on Food Network any time soon, I feel personally satisfied that this hectic week has not made the pizza man and the chinese delivery guy my new BFFs. The jury is still out on tonight's dinner, though...we'll have to see what I can scrounge up in the fridge when I get home from work.... 

Another HUGE goal that has been set yet not achieved is to clean out my car.  I love my car, live in my car, and yes, I am totally embarrassed to let anyone ride in it because it is so gross.  I admit it, it's horrible and embarrassing and I WILL CLEAN IT...this weekend, no matter what. I'm almost to the point that I'd pay the money to take it to the Autobell and get them to do it with their industrial strength vacuum cleaners....but I'm so embarrased that, knowing myself, I'd spend time cleaning it out before I took it to them, so really, what's the point?? 

To round out the week, my final goal is to wash, fold and PUT AWAY the countless loads of laundry that are scattered throughout my house. And, by PUT AWAY, I don't just mean leave them folded in the basket and take the basket upstairs to my room where it will reside until I've used up all the clean clothes out of it. No, I mean put the clean clothes into the drawers where they belong.  For those of you who have known me for a long time <insert Mom shoutout> you know what a truly lofty goal this is....

I saw a cute quote today that said, "Life is not about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."  So, for this week this means setting goals in the hopes that achieving them will silence some of the voices in my head that tell me I am not doing enough...being enough...giving enough every day.  -r

 

 

So I find myself asking a simple, yet puzzling question....why is it that when people I don't know act completely irrational and rude, I am the one who feels guilty? In my job, I deal with all kinds of people - ranging from honest people who have had the unfortunate luck of having some things broken in the course of their move, to- more often than not-people who had crappy furniture that sustained slight damage during their move and now consider it their goal in life to try to gut my company for as much money as they possibly can. The latter is why this has been one of the longest work weeks I've had in my almost year-long run at Joe Moholland Moving, Inc. Don't get me wrong, I am truly thankful for my job. Considering the fact that last year at this time I was still dragging my exhausted tush to Starbucks for 40-50 hours a week, I hesitate to even speak a negative thought about my job. But, it's not the job that drains me - it's the people. I cannot get my head around people who are dishonest and who underestimate my intelligence just because I have well-honed customer service skills. For the record - just because I SOUND like I believe you and that I truly care about the bedroom suite that you claim for $6k but my furniture guys say is only worth $1,500 doesn't mean I ACTUALLY care. At the end of the day I know you are full of it and you're just trying to manipulate me into giving you more money than you actually deserve. Also for the record, I may seem sweet and caring, but if you make the mistake of assuming I'm a dumb girl who has no backbone and no interest in job security - you are making a serious miscalculation. I am a college educated woman who clearly understands that if I pay you what you want for your crappy furniture that was jacked up when we picked it up then I am decreasing my chance of still having a job in the near future. So, while I try to be a kind person with a pleasant demeanor, I am not going to jeopardize the paychecks that go toward feeding my children just because you insult my intelligence and my customer service skills. So there, I just wanted to put that out there. I have been battling against the idiocy of this type of person all week, and I needed to get this off my chest. Thank you, and goodnight. Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Ahhhh, Mother's Day....nothing says "Happy Mother's Day" like a whitey-tighty-clad 7 year old boy with freezing cold feet climbing in bed and under the covers to play his DS in your ear at 7 am. Yep, this is the life! On the bright side, the hubs was pretty quick with the coffee service and I'm pretty sure the mimosas will start flowing any moment! Not sure what the day will hold, but I've already received a hand-crafted yellow duckie pin from Maria, along with a beautiful card that she wrote about me at school. Strangely, it seems that the theme of my mother's day card is actually Maria's upcoming birthday, hmmmm. According to Maria, I'm a special mom "because I take her to the toy store" and I'm best at "making cakes for her birthdays." Something else I learned from her card is that my favorite household chore is "cleaning up Maria's room" please let the record show that my thoughts on this are - ummmm, not so much. But, she did get the important things right - I am as pretty as a "princess" and I do like to eat crab legs. But, almost as nice as Maria's handmade card was a compliment I received last night from a fellow mom on how polite my children are. And, for a long time I would have brushed off this compliment (because accepting a compliment is a hard thing for me) but this one I will accept. For this one I said thank you and basked in the brief moment of praise, because I know how much hard work has been done to reap the bounty of having a polite and pleasant child. So today, on My Day, I will savor this compliment and remember that while these moments of praise are few and far between, the fruits of my labor are, literally, my beautiful, smart, funny, healthy, silly, and POLITE children. Happy Mother's Day, to moms everywhere - take today to enjoy your successes! Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Long time, no blog, dear readers. Blame the calendar for my absence, because I have NO idea how it could possibly be May already!!! I mean really, when did this happen? I just got used to writing 2010, and the year is half over? Anyway,with that said, I am taking this moment to celebrate my love affair with my blackberry. This is especially poignant today because I am stranded (and yes, it IS that serious) at my office with NO INTERNET! That's right, in addition to being at a stand-still with the million work-related things I need to accomplish today, I haven't been able to cyber-stalk my Facebook friends or check for the latest online coupons ALL DAY! I'm thinking this could quite possibly be considered a hostile work environment..... where do I file my claim? This lack of internet is slightly offset by my dear blackberry (bb....you complete me <3), but in spite of my blackberry's endless talents, I have been reduced to making lists of the 18 million things that must be accomplished before the first of June. That's right, lists - ones on paper, written by hand with an actual writing utensil...I know, I am SO old school, but desparate times and a jam- packed family calendar call for desparate measures. I currently have 4 different lists staring me down, with things to do, recipes to make, things to buy and coming events. My brain is tired! The only thing I really want to put on a list is "drink more wine." But, May is a big month at the Karhnak's - weekend trip to Charlotte for my nephew's First Communion last weekend, hosting my dear friend's Bridal Shower Saturday afternoon + catching up with other dear friends Saturday evening + Mother's Day this weekend, Maria's B-day sleepover + b-day cupcakes at school + 10 year anniversary the following week.....can't handle any more details......So basically, if you're looking for me or you wanna hang out or want a meal at my table, you're gonna have to wait until June 1st, because the pattern is FULL! And, keep in mind that even June is dependent on my not having a complete mental breakdown. So, keep your fingers crossed and call before you come over to see if I survived the month of May! Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Ok, I'm thinking it's time.  It's been a good run, but I think the ride is coming to an end. I have gone 4 years without actually buying work clothes, mainly because my "professional" wardrobe needs were limited to khakis, black polo shirts and green aprons.  Now that I don't spend my days getting coffee and milk spilled all over myself in 8 hrs intervals, I try to look nice for work.  While I'm hardly "fashion-forward,"  I think everyone (ok, so there are only 4 people who work here) in my office would say I clean up nice.  However, this nice-ness is probably starting to wear off a little, considering that I have been wearing the same small collection of outfits over and over, for almost a year.  I can hear my closet screaming for mercy, and today, I'm screaming, too.  Spring has definitely sprung and my outfit selection for today has failed me miserably! I am a HOT MESS today, and I don't mean that it in a good way. My black slacks and cute shoes are fine, but my critical error was wearing a LONG SLEEVED shirt + a camisole. Also, I threw caution to the wind and wore my hair down today (I know, it's a shocker). Helllllloooo, it's not winter anymore!! SO, I'm here at my desk sweating, hair pinned up with a pencil, sleeves pushed up to my elbows....it's NOT pretty. And trust me, although I am technically wearing two shirts....no one in this is office is prepared for the spectacle that would result if I actually took one of these shirts off. Trust me on this. 

I know you're asking, what would possess me to torture myself with a non-seasonally appropriate work wardrobe? Well, there are a few contributing factors.  First, I'm not a shopper. Just ask my Mom, clothes shopping is really not what I consider fun.  Because she knows this, she has graciously volunteered to take me clothes shopping for my last couple of birthdays.  She's a saint, especially since I shoot down appoximately 99% of her outfit suggestions.  And yes, Mom, I know....I don't wear enough color and I have too much black in my wardrobe...sigh.  My other problem is that I'm cheap. I'd rather spend my money on groceries....or the kids...or heck, even on the hubs. Clothes are just so expensive! And, I don't like trying things on, so I'll just grab something off the rack and go.  Sometimes this little gamble pays off....most of the time it does not. 

But, I've gotta do it.  I have got to go get some short sleeve shirts for work, and maybe some cute shorts and some new flip flops, oh wait...I got distracted.  I need WORK clothes, but where to start?  The thought of venturing into a store to purchase new clothes is already making me anxious, or maybe it's just the beginning stages of heat stroke as i sit here at my desk waiting for 6 pm to arrive so I can go home and CHANGE MY CLOTHES.....

So there it is,  my plea for mercy. If anyone out there wants to take a fashion-challenged professional woman under their wing, let me know where to start to get a few cute things to wear to work. Help!?!...........

   

It's hard to admit that we no longer hold the title of "Cute Engaged Couple" or "Hip, Cool Newlywed Couple" or even "Cool Couple with the New Baby." It's hard to come to terms with the fact that we're now just a regular couple - 2 kids, a house, a dog and a cat. Both of us working full-time, both of the kids in school...we're nothing special. Except for the fact that my husband is one funny guy. He comes up with the craziest stuff - whether it be with me or the kids, he can make me laugh like no one else. And, considering the fact that I work with my husband 8 hrs a day, it's pretty significant to note that, not only do I still have the desire to speak to the hubs after seeing him all day, but I really WANT to talk to him. I cling to the fact that no matter what insanity reigned supreme at the office today, I can stand in the kitchen while cooking dinner laughing about it all with him. And, let me tell you, there is A LOT of insanity in the moving business, take my word for it! But, for now, I'll consider my day a success if I can end it with a good meal, a nice glass of wine, and a good laugh with my husband....what more could I want?
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I sit here blogging in the same leather chair in which I sat at 2 am seven years ago, timing my contractions with a stop watch. The hubs was still asleep upstairs, I didn't want to wake him up until I knew FOR SURE that I was really in labor. I remember it like it was yesterday, sitting with that stop watch, listening as the paper guy threw papers on the curb and the world started to wake up to a new day ...watching the minutes of one life pass away, as I held on for dear life as a new one began. To this day, I have no idea how I did it, how I managed to bring Paul into this world with no pain meds, but I'm pretty sure it was because of my "crew" that accompanied me into that delivery room. There was the hubs, who wishes he had a dollar for every time I said "I can't do this" and he responded "you already are! And he's almost here!" And, my mom, forever the pillar of strength and support, with tears of joy and pride that mirrored my own. And, my doula and friend Amy, who was there to do what I was too distracted to do at the time - get what I needed from the nurses and make sense of what was happening to both my body and my life, oh and to give an awesome backrub. And, while the hubs loves to tell the tale of how he "delivered" Paul into this world, there was actually a doctor there, who placed Paul into my arms. And while my first words to my newborn son were "aye! He's looking at me" and even though the best quote from the birth video turned out to be my voice saying "he looks like an alien," I look at my son everyday and am amazed to see what all the hard work, pain and tears have turned into. Once the newborn with the biggest (alien) eyes, I now have a son with my freckles and rob's nose, who loves to read like his mom and is addicted to Legos like his dad. A smart boy who loves to talk and sing, loves going to school and can give turn-by-turn directions to anywhere you want go. An old soul in a little boy body, without a doubt. My son and the most amazing little boy ever, yep. Can I believe that 7 years has passed? Absolutely not. Sometimes I wish I could go back, just so I could tell myself to chill out and enjoy every moment. But I wouldn't want to miss a second of watching him become the person he is meant to be, whether it's a teacher, a train engineer, a Jedi...the possibilities are endless. Just like my love for my favorite son. Happy Birthday to you, Paul. I never knew how my life would change when I became your mom, but I am sure glad it did.
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